If you're bored, help yourself to read this

midterm grades

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 03:13:38 GMT

2d-b
color theory-b
art hist-a
computer science-unknown
spanish- fuckin c

by dad was disappointed in that c
but i mean COME ON!
he's an asian guy teaching spanish!!!
i can't understand a word he's saying in spanish OR english!
today (this guy is such a dumbass) he tried to teach us the difference between 'por' and 'para' in spanish!!!! no one understood so he finally tried in english, but really didn't get through to us that much better...
and then we have to go to the language lab 50 minutes a week
do our online quia work
and book work
and recordings
and compositions
it's almost like i'm taking another studio course!!
i mean seriously
i'm in regular class for 20 hours a week
and i'm taking a continueing ed ceramics class which is plus 2 hours
plus 50 minutes in the lab
plus the "3" hours i'm supposed to spend outside of class on my studio course projects
plus another three for my color theory
so that's roughly 29 hours
and i'm only getting credit for 14 of those hours
......
......
fuck
dad's probably going to try and make me stop going to ceramics
but yesturday, i threw the tallest cylinder i've ever thrown!
i'm getting better!!!!
the more i go, the better i get.
and i love ceramics
it's like, me only free/fun class this semester
it also relieves the stress i've been going through lately
and i can't have that taken away from me
i'll go crazy
i know it

Haha!

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 03:05:35 GMT

What did I tell you?
well maybe not you, but my roomates...
Kelly was walking near shannon
some guy started talking to her
"So who's that guy i've seen you around with lately?"
"Oh just a friend"
"I thought i saw you two at the dance..."
but by that time kelly had already walked by them
is it sad this slither of news made me happy
it made me want to take that and shove it in his face singing "i told you sooooo!"
but that would be rude, wouldn't it?

speaking of rude....

we actually walked by them earlier tonight
we being me and kelly
total silence
i looked at anna
she didn't look at me
as for richard and shannon, i looked to my right and slightly down
kelly said richard looked at me like
"Aren't you going to look at me??are you kidding??"
psssssh
please
your leash holder tells me to go to hell and you expect me to look at you?
god he needs to have his ego removed
along with some other things....

aaaaaaaaaaaanyways
i'm doing a weigh in tomorrow
see if i've gotten down to 140 yet
then onto 130!
my 2d is due tomorrow
along with my color theory
i need to go do that....
art history test on friday
and theeeeeeeeeeen
it's the weekeeeeeeeeeeend!
thank GOD
i haven't been home in 2 weekends
i miss the food
and free laundry
and the parents
not so much the brother...

is it finally over?

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 15:07:04 GMT

so, one last bitching post about this whole situation
so according to them, i don't exist anymore
it's not fun being so ignored by three people who used to be your best firends now is it?
so what happens?
i'm handed an opportunity
fight bitchiness with bitchiness
or let this continue and still suffer
and still bitch
and still be in pain
and still exist and have to watch...
and of course have them walk all over invisible me.

i'll take option number one please
so how did this opprotunity come to me?
through myspace and facebook of course!
enter shannon's new ex boyfriend, shawn
now there's something you need to know about shannon...she has LOTS of ex boyfriends, and she strings them along even after their relationship.
when i would hang out with her, her phone would ring constantly from ex's
so shawn wants to know the truth about what's going on
i tell him the truth
i even get pictures of the truth
and mail them to him
well he gets upset, but who could blame the poor boy?
she told him just the other night on the phone that he was the only one for her.
saaaaaaaad

so he makes a blog full of these pictures that i gave him, of shannon and richard hugging before the sweet heart ball, and she's even wearing her carsage (sp?)
when shawn asked about what happened at the sweet heart ball, she didn't mention the flowers or that she dry humped richard and only richard that night. she told him that she and richard and anna all danced together
pssssssssssssh
yeah freakin right!

so fast foward to yesturday...

so yeaturday around 2ish, 3ish, i get a text from richard saying "How's shawn?"
Me: "oh now i exist? he's ok, how's shannon?"
bastard: "WE are great blah blah enjoy your friendship with that whinny leech" something like that
me: "you are aware that, according to shannon the other night, that shawn is "the only man for her."?
him: "You made a big mistake blah blah blah he was harrassing her,you don't even knwo the half of it"
me: "if only you knew the other half of it."

that was me referring to the other boys she strings along, i was going to name all of them but only my roomie april knows every name and i didn't want to pull her into it cause then shannon would harrass her.

so then my phone rings and it's richard's number. it's shannon on the other line and she asks if THEY could talk and come over for a bit. i was like "WE?" and she was like, yeah, me and richard.

well me and my two roomies were cleaning the apartment (seriously spring cleaning!) and i did not want them over cause i knew i would start crying and that is the LAST thing i wanted them to see.
so i told them about us cleaning our apartment and shannon said that this friendship was over and for me not to go to her ex and talk about things i don't know anything about and blah blah blah.

is it over?

nooooooooo

i get on facebook with a message from shannon saying "i thought you were a good person, but i was wrong. go to hell."

sweet right?

and then i see that shannon and richard blocked me on facebook and anna half blocked me, and on myspace anna and shannon blocked me, and richard didn't do anything.

so here's what i'm thinking....

what i did was a sleazy bitchy thing
i know this
and i know i'm not always the victim, but it did feel like that, you know?
i tried just sitting back and watching and silently dying on the inside
and that didn't get me anywhere
and i know my drunken revelation was to not think about it
but someone came to me for the truth
and i gave it to him
because i was hurt by three people who used to be my best friends, at the same time
tell me that wouldn't hurt you just as much

i was sick of not mattering and being invisible
true friends would have never done that to me or anyone else they called their best friend
so i one day
i managed to lose three not so great people i used to call friends
they mostly blocked me and told me to go to hell
i do feel bad
but i keep telling myself that i'll be better off without them
what kind of friends do you have if you can't trust them?
what kind of friends lie to you and pretend you aren't there?
not mine

tee hee!

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 16:26:13 GMT

so my 2d and color theory was just canceled
6 hours of classes today
goooooooone
now i just have to go to ceramics!
yus!
so i've already lost weight
i got a 7 dollar scale to prove it
i've cut out chocolate (except that frosty yesturday)
drinking more green tea
no fast food whatsoever
and exercise
i'm down to 141ish
i'd love to get down to 130, the same i was in high school
i was in such a good mood when my classes were canceled, when i turned around to go back up to my place, a almost barely noticed shannon and richard walk by with their arms linked.
so now, i'm just going to sit back, watch a disney movie, study some art history for my test tomorrow, and drink some tea!

i know last night could have been a lot worse

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 15:45:52 GMT

but it sure as hell could have been sooooooooo much better.
so me, april, and katie went to the sweet heart ball
we dance a little
and then all hell breaks loose
anna, shannon, and surprise purprise, richard
shannon's wearing a crasage (sp?)
and richard dry humps her ass the WHOLE night
i danced a little which made me feel better
but my eyes would always drift over to the new happy couple
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
deeeeeeeeepressing right?
anna and i said some nice words like nice dress and what not
shannon and richard would not even look at me
it's a great feeling you know?
so after that torture, i am so ready to drink and drink until i forget everyhing that happened that night
so we head out the door in our formals to go to walmart when guess who's walking down the hall to their apartment.
anna, richard, and shannon
NO ONE SAID A WORD
we saw each other
but no one said anything
so then we ride to walmart for drinks and mixes and i DARE you to guess who shows up?!?!?
omggggggggggggg, anna, shannon, and richaaaaaaaaaard! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
sarcasm
so we avoided them but OF COURSE we all walked down the same isle heading different ways
richard and i made eye contact for the first time that night
and i looked away with a look that said "I am soooooo disappointed"
oh, but there's just one more thing
we go out to the car
and see
with our own eyes
that those bitches parked right next to us
REALLY??????????
katie's car is different from other's car
it's a car you can point out
or notice
it has bumper stickers and stuff!
so then i was furious
can you really blame me?
so we got home and drank some, i have a headache this morning
but i had a drunked revelation last night
being mad at anna, shannon, and richard isn't going to get me anywhere.
there are better things to focus my attention and time on
i know i've said this before, but i am going to lose weight
and keep it off
i'm cutting out chocolate (scary right?)
i've always wondered if i would be happier if i were skinnier
so why not find out?
if i'm not, i'll go back to my old ways
but i'll never know if i don't try right?
i also want to spend my time focusing on my education
spanish is hard, so that'll be easy to sink into
2d and color theory have lots of outside work so that'll be simple
and i'm taking the cont. ed ceramics class so i'll just vent out any left over anger into some clay!
this could work
i've said this before, but i've never been so motivated before
out of spite, hurt, hate, and the need to take control of my own life
i don't need to be mad
why should i be
richard's clearly a jerk anyways along with those other bitches
but now it's my turn

that bitch...

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 23:55:11 GMT

so things between Anna and I are NOT getting better.
it's wed. night
this all happened sunday night
have i gotten an apology yet?
no
a txt? message? anything?
nope
i wore my new skirt yesturday
i saw her in nix and she plastered on a fake smile and was all "that's a cute skirt"
i was not about to be fake back and pretend that nothing happened, right?
i said thanks to the wall to my right instead of her plastic face
each day she doesn't apologize, i delete something related to her
monday, my top friends on facebook
yesturday, she's off my top eight on myspace
this bitch is so self centered, she notices these things
so today on facebook, i switched our "how do you know this person" thinggy to just "You went to college with anna"
she sees it and changes her profile so that i can't see her recent activities OR wall
so i make ONE, that's ONE last attempt as a kind human being to fix something that i fo shizzle did NOT break.
i text her, "i think we need to take a walk tonight"
and she's all "I don't think i'm up for that tonight. i have a lot to do"
BUUUUUUUUUUULL SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
sorry, but that was pretty much my last offer of playing nice
and i told her "Alright, but this offer will not be offered much longer"
she says "alright"
i mean seriously, does she really not care???
what a bitch
oh yeah, richard bumped into me in the canteen when i had my cute skirt on
he said he liked it and we talked for a sec, but i had to get to class
seeeeeeee, we're just fine!
fuckin anna
fuck her
she's going to be all alone with no one to give her attention soon enough.

I feel like such an idiot

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 05:21:53 GMT

i trusted someone
(anna)
a lot
i even called her my best friend
all the time
and what do i get????
THIS:
i come back from walmart, i'm in the parking lot. it's dark and i'm not wearing my glasses.
when suddenly! i hear/see my bff anna!
yaaaaaaaaay!
with shannon!
yaaaaaaaaaay!
and some one else?
who looks kinda like richard?
but i'm not sure?
so they get in a car and leave after i cat call anna.
so then i txt anna "who's that cute guy with ya'll?"
to be honest, i would have been a little mad if it was him and i wasn't invited along with friends....
but instead, the doesn't answer the question.
"He's just a friend :)"
and that's when i knew it was richard
"anyone i know?"
"what do you mean?"
"like from the art department or from school?"
"Then you DO know who it is"
do you see where this is going?
so then she doesn't txt for a while, i ask who it was, i txt her to tell her to take her time, and she plays dumb and says "You lost me" trying to get on another subject that doesn't involve her being a bad bff.
so then i straight out ask her if that was richard with her
and says yes
and ask why she didn't just tell me
"I thought you would get upset...and i was right. seeing as april has been texting me as well. why did you act like you didn't know who he was?"
yeah you were right! you fucking flirted with the one guy i ever wanted and now you're sneaking around with him behind my back like you two are bffs????
fuck right i'm upset!
and i didn't tell april to send the txt saying "just tell ali if it's richard or not"
and i truely didn't know if it was him or not!!!!HONEST
and why did she have to act like i was a pure dumbass??
UUUUUUUUUUUGH
so then i told her i was upset because she wasn't honest with me and that i would NEVER do something like this to my best friend...and that i was dissapointed
if i knew my bff liked a guy, i wouldn't even think of flirting with him
no matter how cute or smart or nice
you know??
i just feel so betrayed.
katie and april helped me feel better though
we played pool and laughed
but the whole time i kept thinking
where the fuck is richard?
do i get a text or anything?
nothing
great.
i even offered anna to take a walk with me. you know, actually fix things???
but apparently she's off campus
how convinient
if i had hurt someone that close to (which i never would) i'd drop everything to try and fix it.
but i guess she has "better" things to do than fix the last real friendship she has left.

i deserve better than her
and i deserve better than richard.

Really? Seriously?

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 04:34:36 GMT

So this thing between me and Robert, no, not gonna work out.
sure, he's a nice guy
but today was different
his facebook says he's "Very conservative"
and it didn't really stand out to me until recently
like today
so heath ledger died, and robert didn't know who he was, so i told him that he was one of the lead actors in "Brokeback Mountain" (sorry i probably misspelled that)
and he was all "You mean the fag in that cowboy movie?"
I actually had to explain to him that heath ledger was not gay, but an actor who played a gay man.
i mean, seriously?
then he talked about how gross "that" (referring to homosexuality) was
i told him a lot of my friends in high school were gay.
he told me how they only had one gay guy in high school and how everyone made fun of him.
ooooooooomg
i mean, really?
he asked me if i had seen the movie, i said no, but i want to
he was disgusted that i wanted to watch it
he asked "If there was a movie with a lesbian scene in it, would you watch it?"
i told him yes
and i told him that i believed that two men and two women could love each other
and it's like he wouldn't even listen!
he is so closed minded
uuuuuuuuuuugh
so then we start watching "Close encounters of the third kind"
one of my favorite movies!!!!
and two times during the movie, he was all "Typical women"
katie and i were both like "wtf?"
we told him that was sexist and we had to explain why
seriously? reeeeeeeeeeally?
and then in another scene, a man and a woman are climbing to the top of a big moutain, and the woman gets there first, and he's all "How did that woman get up there so fast?? man, that guy would've been faster, blah blah blah"
i wanted to slap him
i ended up punching him in the arm
i hope he gets a bruise...

girly squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal!!!!

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 04:27:12 GMT

I have an official date tomorrow
taking pictures of the snowy country side
in a big red pick up truck
with a guy in the rotc program
weird right?????

yeah i know

but in all fairness, this is all weird to me

i first started talking to this guy on monday in class
then today we talk more, learn each other's names, and he askes for my number
we did some sleding and talked on the phone a lot
and tomorrow he wants to take me out for some country side snow photography

what's weird is that i haven't worn make up all week
and my hair is in desperate need of a haircut (this friday!!!)
and it's like he doesn't even see those things that i see
i've never felt that comfortable around a cute guy i barely knew

but of course, i do fear that this is just another "richard" situation
what if i'm misunderstanding his intentions?
what if this is going to fast?
or nowhere at all?
guess we'll find out tomorrow

we got 2 inches of snow tonight, and maybe more tomorrow
some people made a giant penis outside of sirmons
and it had two giant "Snowballs"
haha
get it?
balls
snow?
snowballs?
haaaaaaaaaaaaa

la la laaaaaaaaaa

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 11:45:08 GMT

we may be getting snow tonight
and next wed
and next friday
......
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Classes so far:
computer science is fast paced and it's hard to keep up. the teacher leaves NO time to ask for help.
spanish: i have an asian teacher, need i say more?
art hist: LOVE it since it's being taught by my favorite teacher, helen miller. she said starting feb 8th i am more than welcome to come to her tr evening ceramics cont. ed class!
she said that if i help her make the clay, i could use it, kiln it, glaze it, whatever! AND she said she'd help me with my handbuilding!AAAAHHHHH!!!!! i fucking love this teacher! she also said i'd be welcome to her summer ceramics class and that she'd even help me come up with a curiculum (sp?) for teaching pottery!!!!
god bless this woman!
2d and color theory are slightly painful
6 hours in one room with the same teacher
gross
and we work like, the whole time
but i skipped 2d yesturday cause i had to drive Hali to the infermery
she's got a kidney infection
and lord knows with my dad and sister always having kidney stones, i knew exactly what to say about her pain.

so here's how it is so far

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 17:39:30 GMT

mwf-spanish 2- 11ish to 12ish

mwf- art hist- 1ish to 2 ish

mw-computer science 8 to 9

tr-2d-11ish to 2

tr- color theory- 2ish to 5sih

yaaaaaaaaay
the only class i'm worried about so far is spanish. haven't taken it in a while and my teacher is asian.

back to school

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 04:54:10 GMT

heading back tomorrow.
i'll lay out my schedule for you guys later when it's set in stone
i can't believe the break is over!
saaaaaaad
observing michelle's art classes was fun
this one kid in 2nd grade could tell right off the bat that we were sisters
it was funny
kids are sooooo cute
i loved every moment of it
played some pool today with jared
i thought i did very well considering i haven't played in ages
and the only games i lost were by one or two balls
then i got the sweeny todd soundtrack
love it
uuuuuuuugh i don't want to go back tomorrow!!!!!
but i'll be back mlk weekend
if i'm not too tired to come down you know

copying rachel

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 19:12:39 GMT

so i did this survey origianlly on 11/25/05, now i'm retaking it. if you want to see my original answers, look through my history for that date. enjoy!

70 THINGS YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
1. DO YOU SNORE?
Nope
2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
probably both
3. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
failure
4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
i still am
5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV?
there are some out there that are ok to watch, but others are so trashy!
6.DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
when i start to fidgit
7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
i won't deny it
8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
at the moment it sucks but i'll get over it
9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
black
10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
lol, yeeeeeeah
11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
nope
12. ANY SECRET TALENTS?
no?
13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT? Italy
14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY?
yes
15. CAN YOU SWIM?
not very well
16. Ever Seen the movie Donnie Darko?
yes!
17. DO YOU CARE ABOUT THE OZONE?
sure do
18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOSTIE POP?
over 700 if you lick in one spot
19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
no
20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?
yes
21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
no, two older siblings
22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER?
electric
23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
i'd never do it
24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
i hope so
25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
not really
26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
i don't remember
27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"?
last night while i was drunk probably
28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?
probably
29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
I haven't been to a wedding in forever
30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
i'm not a fan of eggs
31. ARE BLONDES DUMB?
no, we just like to have more fun
32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
across the universe
3. WHAT TIME IS IT?
2:06 P.M.
34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
Als
35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?
YES! especially after watching "supersize me"
36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
2 am this morning
37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS
shower
38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
i wish
39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
who doesn't?
40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
no
41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
chocolate
42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
creamy
43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
sometimes
44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
maybe when i was a kid?
45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
once
46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO GO?
for me it is
47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
yeah
48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
dark brown
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
at the moment no, but again, it'll pass
51. WHAT'S BETTER: METAL OR PUNK
punk
52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
iiiiiiiiii wish!
53. HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?
no
54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
no
55. HAVE U EVER STOLEN MONEY?
no
56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
nope
57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
it depends
58. DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH?
only if i'm laughing really hard
59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
aw, i love that song!
60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?..
no, computers are
61. DO YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
i believe it should be a option!
62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
I wish
63. DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES?
yeah
64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
yes!
66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
not in a loooong time
67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED?
yeah
68. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?
those head on commercials!
69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?.
no
70. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?
the format and the white stripes

this is just pathetic

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 16:53:16 GMT

so i started my new year by crying my eyes out. not "oh i'm so happy it's the new year!"
no, the other kind that only a guy can cause
one word:Richard

so i wanted to start 2008 fresh
to i txt richard basically asking him if there would ever be something between us or if i just need to stop trying
a simple yes or no would have done it right?
28 txts later, i still don't have an answer
baaaaaad sign
so a little before midnight, i txt "You aren't going to answer my original question are you?"
and i get that long bullshit txt that's all "I like you, you're a joy to be around blah blah blah i'm not interested, i hope this doesn't ruin anything blah blah blah"
i don't txt back
he's txts me happy new year
i don't txt back
why the fuck should i?
so i begin the new year drunk, go home, and don't hear from richard until i check my facebook:

"I'll take you not ignoring me as a sign that I have ruined it. Thanks for understanding.

-Richard"

juuuuuuuuuust FUCKING great, right?

"first, reread what you wrote, it makes no sense.

second, thanks for being a smart ass to me while i'm still in pain.

third, what do you expect me to do? i got used by one guy, almost get used again, and you just break me down more.

what do you want me to say?

i just found out tonight that this whole semester was nothing

all those times you would flirt with me: empty words.
all those times you made me feel like someone worth your time: worthless

the whole time i was being harrassed by kels and katie, i kept telling myself, it's so worth it, Richard is such a great guy, i'll just deal with it.

and for what?

i wasn't going to ignore you, i just needed some time to think and put myself back together before i talked to you.

but now that i see the true you?

whatever"

don't ask me about the "used by a guy" thing, i ain't sayin a word.

"Ali! don't make this out to be something it's not. I wasn't trying to break you down. You are a friend, and nothing I did as a friend should be viewed as worthless... especially if it made you feel like someone worth my time, 'cause you are, you are my friend and friend's are what I will always need.

Kels and katie are not just my fault, they were a part of your past long before I met them, a feud I happened to stumble on by meeting Katie. I hadn't expected you to throw all this in my face. You do need time to think and put yourself back together, before you lose a good friend because, regardless of how you feel about me now, I am a decent guy and a good friend and I won't let you make me feel like shit by putting me down like this."

what a fucking sweet heart

"i'm not saying that kels and katie was your entire fault. glenn beats himself over it cause he thinks it's his.

god you know what?

you are not the guy i thought you were

you were a great friend, not good, great

but if you're going to talk down to me like this

whatever

i deserve better than your shit

and i won't let you make me feel like shit

you've done it before

but no more"

"No one is talking down to you. I simply seconded your opinion on taking some time to get your head together.

And right now, your putting all your anger out on me. I didn't hurt you, those guys did. I didn't play you, I was a misunderstanding, but I never played you... I am your friend, and was always your friend.

I'm not trying to make you feel like shit, you already do. And that wasn't my fault. As soon as I found out, I wanted to know what happened to you, who hurt you. I called Anna trying to find out, she didn't know. I don't see how any of this could be translated into hurting you or making you feel less than you are. I care about you. Please don't turn this into something it's not. Please don't make me out to be the guy that fooled around with you, and used you. "

"Richard

I'm sorry

Here I am crying at 3am in new 2008

and i have no idea what to say"

"you need a hot bath, some candles, and barry white.

afterwards, a perry cloth bath robe, some dark chocolates and a massage with all those fruity filled lotions and such.

get into bed with a good book, a book that takes you far away from reality and drift into deep and peaceful sleep.

upon awakening, a strong cup of coffee (sry lol my preference), or rather tea for you. Spend time with the family... away from the wall of torture because will naturally bring about violent thoughts, in which case I AM YOUR FRIEND and I would love not to be seated in that dreaded chair and decapitated.

You are wonderful and will someday meet the perfect guy, at the perfect moment... and with input from me and all your other wonderful friends whom I've had the pleasure of knowing through you, we will keep you as happy, as loved, as supported, and as far away from pricks like those who have recently broke you."

SO NOW FUCKING WHAT?

WHAT DOES HE WANT ME TO DO???

still be friends with him and not care when he flirts with other girls which he WILL do!?!?

have him treat me differently cause he knows how i feel/???

god i fucking hate men!

merry christmas!!!!!!

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 05:49:56 GMT

hope you are all safe and having a nice holiday!
i guess you could say i am!
i finally got that itrip i've been wanting
and the new john mayer cd!
and of course other things
tomorrow we leave for tybee
and then come back the day after
i've lost 7 pounds so far this month
eatting right and working out
nice right?
got my breaks fixed too
been throwing and kilning at the Pitts'
i love peggy so much
Mingle was fun
babysitting went fine
going back to school soon though :(
going to try and get out of one of my art classes and into another education class i need
katie underwood is in my color theory so i'll be trying to get out of that one :X
god i hope i never have to deal with drama like that ever again
i used to convince myself it was all worth it
but you see where that got me
i'm in an angsty poetry mood
but that's cause i'm tired
but can't sleep
just finished "Lulleby" by Chuck Palakajhdffv
the guy who wrote fight club and survivor
the latter of the two i've actually read
and i'm now addicted and must read all of his books
they're so twisted and graphic and weird
i love it
but since i just finished it, i have nothing to read on the 4 hour ride to tybee
:(
maybe i'll take one of my harry potter books or something
you guys have a great christmas
<3

yay!

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 13:58:15 GMT

I'm coming home todaaaaaaaay!!!

my brain feels like mush

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 00:33:25 GMT

those two finals hurt my brain
a lot
after my american lit final, i started walking towards the art building
without even realizing it, i was calling richard
when i realized what i was doing, i hung up
2 minutes later he calls back
i asked if he was still on campus
he had just gotten 10 miles within home
i told him i just wanted to see if he wanted to work on the drawing final together
i'm doing some of mine tonight
he forgot his paper so he's going to be there the whole 2 hours
this made me smile
2 final hours with richard
i hope he says something
anything
something that i can hold onto over the break
but i doubt it
i shouldn't build up my hopes like this
i'll just get frustrated all over again
right?
here's hoping

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 13:44:41 GMT

i have an art history final at 1pm
an american lit 2 final at 5
i am not ready for either
i owe the school 335.00 tomorrow for next semester's tuition
i promised myself that i will not txt richard today, we'll see if he txts me first
i feel like i'm in middle school again
i CANNOT WAIT until the break
saturday morning i'm doing mingle with kringle at ocaf
next saturday i'm babysitting
and christmas
these are my only planned activities for my break
how badass is that?
my car needs new breaks
but my dad is so damn cheap i'm afraid to bring it up
he'll say it's my christmas present
but i so want an itrip for my car
mom and dad got michelle a loom for christmas
maybe for my graduation gift i could find a used potter's wheel for cheap
that's what i want so bad
screw i trips and other shit
i want the real stuff
why are guys so fucking, i don't even know what word to use
stupid? blind? insensitive?
ugh
those words are gross to me
but they do sort of fit
i want to lose weight over the break
i high school, i weighed 135ish
i now weigh around 150
damn is right
for the month of december:
no fast food
not alot of chocolate
dad just got an indoor bike
so i'm going to ride that every day
it'll be easier since the tv is in front of it and what not
right?
mom is also a health freak, so her food will help
but i've gotten so sick of her food
a lot of times when i think of her food
i want to vomit
i mean in real life it's good
but it's gotten to that point
so then i eat less of her food
and more of other things
like snacks and cookies
god i'm rambling
i's cause i don't want to study
yeah...
i don't want to keep going foward
i want to stay right here
forget getting ahead of the game and taking more hours
i'm taking 15 hours next semester, but will be in class over 24
i told dad i wanted to drop a course and only take 12
he didn't like it
until yesturday when i told him i owed the school 335 dollars
he wants me to take a summer course and get a part time job
i'd rather just take 7 hours and got ahead and get those out of the way and down with
but he still thinks i want to go to cortona
i don't
if i go to italy, it's for a vacation, not school
and i don't feel comfortable traveling with out them
doesn't feel right
it's scary
i'm rambling
jason still doesn't have a job
i don't think the parents will ever kick him out
i don't even think he has a dead line any more
"when ali moves out, you move out"
"At the end of september, you're out of here"
"As soon as you find a job, you're out"
"As soon as you find a job and save some money, you're out"
not anymore
he's supposed to go out everyday to find a job
i think he sits and reads at barnes and nobles
he wastes time and gas
ugh
this ramble is to clear my head before i start studying
i hope it works
let's see shall we?

good lord

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 05:50:36 GMT

I find myself more and more frustrated after every time i see him
i keep asking myself "What does he fucking want?"
and more "Why do i fucking care?"

But in all fairness, it really isn't fair.

the other day, i was helping him the the art buliding, cutting a frame mat for our project, and he told me "You know, i've done it in this building. yeah, in the girls bathroom"

for a split second i yelled at him inside my head "WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TELL ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT?????"

but then i calmed down and told him if i could do it anywhere in the Nix Center, I'd do it in the revolving door to the photo lab.

so i ended that day frustrated

fastfoward to monday

he flirts, i laugh. he tells me my neck blushed when i did my presentation and all i can think is that he looked at me. i mean sure, he looks at me when he talks to me, but what if i'm talking so just, being?

we talked for a bit after his class and before mine. nothing happens

and again i end a day frustrated

so today, my roomies and i celebrated christmas since no classes were held today.
we cooked, we opened presents, the whole deal.

so then i get a txt from richard asking if i wanted to go get coffee, but i didn't want to interupt our christmas, so stupidly, i invited him over for christmas dinner.

very bad idea

it started fine

until we went over to anna's to watch a movie

he didn't sit with me, and then he left in a hurry

and once again, i will end a night totally frustrated and feeling unwanted

but hey, what did i expect?

for richard to just, warm up to me? like me for more than a friend?

no no, that is but a mere dream

just one of those dreams, that i could never catch

no matter how hard i try.

I give up

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 05:26:22 GMT

this isn't really going anywhere.
nada.
zip.
i felt better after watching 'howl's moving castle'
but now i feel all fed up again
if he wants to flirt with every girl, fine
if he wants me to feel unspecial, fine
if he wants to flirt with one of my good friends, fine
if she wants to flirt back shamelessly, FINE
this is just another episode where someone walks all over me
and in the same episode, i let them
and then I learn a lesson
but i don't do anything about it
fine fine fine
so be it
it could have been something but nooooooo
you had to go be a tease
a flirt
a friend
and that's it!?!?!?
I fought off TWO bitches for him.
any thanks?
no.
i get threatened on facebook. he defends, she apologizes, and now she wants advice.
UGH
DO I LOOK LIKE THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO KNOWS WHAT TO DO WHEN IT COMES TO GUYS??????????
didn't think so.
i quit.
he can go fuck one of the bitches i fought off for all i care

WHAT A DAY!

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 20:23:22 GMT

So last night the halloween party was a blast. and anna came into my drawing class and flirted with me and richard. so today i got a letter from the katie bitch:

"so i heard that you thought I had shut the door on you before I even got to know you. Why the hell do you think that is? First of all nice profile picture...why did you cut out Richard? And why should I be your friend when you and my sis have history and cant stand each other. You act like your my sisters friend in public but you really aren't her friend. Why waste your energy on being fake? And your friend Anna better not come to art class anymore! I haven't even started with you yet!"

can you say 'direct threat'?

also, we took a picture last night of richard spanking my ass. i cut richard out and made it my profile pic. i cut richard out so he wouldn't feel like i was claiming him or like he was an attachment to me or something.

so i got upset. i was cursing, yelling, and pissed, and had a class in 10 minutes so i didn't respond.
so i called richard and left him a voicemail and he txt back telling me to check my facebook messages and see what he wrote to her. this is it:

"I just heard of the message you sent to Ali . . . that was completely unacceptable. Who are you? and where do you get the idea that you can decide who comes to our classroom, 'cause you sure as hell aren't the teacher. Quit making threats or you'll find yourself reported for harrassment, and I'm not kidding. Ali has the message, with your name and everything as proof. I don't know what has happened to you, I stood up for you - told people you weren't as crazy as your sister, and they believed me! Then you go and write some crazy fucking psycho letter to a person you don't even fucking know! You think you know her because your sister knows her? you don't. Ali didn't even know you because your messed up sister didn't even claim you - how sad is that, that Kelsie's best friend didn't even know who the fuck you were.

Again, quit with the threats - especially with people whom you have never met. I WILL report you to whomever I need to report you to at the college, because this shit is unacceptable and I will not waste any time putting it to an end."

*girly squeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

now the live action version

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 23:47:57 GMT

SO cute!

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 14:18:26 GMT

GIRLY SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 03:58:29 GMT

txt between me and richard
Me: well anywho, good luck on ur test 2morrow!
Richard:Grasias, bonita
Me: Aw, you think i'm pretty? shucks!
Richard: of course

aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

i have two tests and a paper due tomorrow....haven't even started.....
nighty

go to hell

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:01:12 GMT

so registering for classes up here sucks. getting into a science class here is ridiculous! i just need 2 science courses and a computer science course and then i'll be done with my core classes! last night there were plenty of spots open, but no, i get up at 7 (registering starts at 7:30) but can't sign up until past 8 because the school web site gets flooded from everyone else!!!! UUUUUUUgh! so now i'm taking 4 art classes and a spanish.laaaaaaaaaaame. so frustrated!!!!!!!!!!!!!